I agree 100%. But when I try to go to the next level. If men want more sex the this is what you should do. The wife never initiates physical contact if shes unhappy with the strength of the relationship, says Gopa. We have never had oral sex, partly because she informed me she had contracted fenital herpes from a prior relationship, but was under control. I agree with Roger, I get more laughs, and more insight, from the comment section! You ever think about getting some on the side? We see each other on a daily basis staying busy to supplement our income and find time to make love once per week. Feeling loved and getting affection, including sex is important to me. You have your wife, intimacy is so much better than busting a nut and orgasming, why does this make us feel better? Engage in thought-provoking discussions, make new friends, and share resources all on a safe and ad-free platform. Before the ink was dry on the marriage license, shed already decided she was done being nice. Is this the case with your guy or does he nave no urges at all? This isnt totally new for him either. She will sit in bed on her phone though. With her warm, playful approach to coaching and facilitation, Kelly creates refreshingly candid spaces for processing and healing challenges around dating, sexuality, identity, body image, and relationships. As long as we had a steady job and didnt look like Shrek, shed settle for us. Its one less thing to think about or do. He is suffering from a mental health issue. He needs to get his hormone levels tested as he is mostly estrogen dominant and low test. The night my son died was when my loss of interest began, in fact it vanished, period. I own real estate property with my sister which provides some income. Hey Mike, I dont think you need a woman, I dont think drugs and orgasm are the best ways to deal with the pain dealt to you by the tragic loss of your loved one. Men with low sex drive try lifting free weights in a gym. We still talk, but thats it. Sounds to me like youve picking your men from the bar. So maybe try treating he how you did when first met. Friends and family say theres going to be a decrease in libido, but its been almost a whole year since she has even initiated anything, he added. Brother, your story sounds exactly like mine. Thats great but what about the man? Of course, all this pressure makes it harder for sex to seem to go well.". Women love that. Communication will go a long way in improving your sex life. Make your own porn and watch that. Research, psychologists, and Google can offer ideas, but only your wife herself can tell you why she doesn't want to have sex with you: Working a full-time job in addition to running household errands and caring for kids can be exhausting and stressful, so some women may simply feel too busy and overworked to have any energy for sex. My current wife was 49 and I was 54 when we met and sex was twice a day for over a year, When she proposed to me, I raesoned that she was a good friend and sex was more then satisfactory, so I accepted. etc. We have been married 10 years and he has never touched me in an intimate way, or never had sex or even tried. I wish you the best. She said, YOU WILL LOOK AT OTHER WOMEN?! To see my wife go direct to the Phone on the first morning home and second morning home was very upsetting. On the flip side, it could be that your wife suspects you of infidelity and hence has lost her trust in you. Im to the point where Id be happy with an occasional peck on the cheek. Most stay in the marriage because of kids and the men cheat as they should. As far as foreplay goes, either I dont know how to do it or she doesnt like to be touched unless she is in the mood. It is an axiom of mate selection in nature that males display and females choose. I wish we were closer because I would love to meet you. My wife and I have been married 20 years. Foreplay isnt just in the bedroom before sex. I didnt have children hoping and wishing things would change!!! I like the martyr thing, but its no B.S. Feel like I wasted my life!!! Men listen carefully If your wife stopped having sex with you after marriage she will NEVER regain that desire for you. I used to ride, but geez that gets old and is still a problem because of the size and lack of hardness. He doesnt even like to kiss. Ive tried scheduling, bringing in sex toys, texting, dating, hugging and cuddling in bed you name it. He is a selfish person he is only thinking of himself. Unfortunately I dont, as it seems were merely friends but certainly not lovers! Follow us at: This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience on our website. Same exact situation here its a living hell! We both have health issues We went to a number of therapists but none were able to help. Help out around the house and stop making your wife do everything. Senior Planet Community is our social media platform designed specifically for older adult users. Our sexual problems are much more complex because I have accepted the fact that she really wants to be intimate but the cost is too high. So the time has come to find a willing older gal and have an affair and feel alive and like a man again Arguments and maltreatment are nothing to put up with. I pay 90% of the bills, cook most of the meals, and clean (wash my own cloths). messages where she was being flirtatious to a local musician . You can be in a marriage without sex. Four years of treatment, a fried heart valve replacement due to radiation. You definitely dont get it. So, Im on my own unless I decide to cheat. Just feel I want to hide away as I know this is not normal . No one is talking about wives whose husbands are the one that doesnt want sex. Bonnie, thank you for commenting. Im 65 and just want a happy, peaceful existence and I cope with EVERYTHING 100% , except sex. Though she died quickly sex was never discussed and I can assure you my marriage was a bed of rock. For me she is the best woman I have ever been with. And now we are old and the chance of my wife changing are now nil. Please keep your eyes open for signs she is interested in someone else, such as being secretive, avoiding you, or hitting the gym. Work and motherhood can be overwhelming, so instead of asking her for sex at the end of the day when youre both exhausted, start planning for it. I have no idea what to do. It is very common for middle aged women to wind up being hypothyroid. Ive no where to go. If these thoughts are not at the forefront of your relational mind, well, your (our) love(s) and relationships may in fact die. Or some reasons could be the female body experiencing pain, limitations, hormonal imbalances, etc. She is somewhat stressed by the reduction in lifestyle we have been reduced to, after years of six figure income for both of us. 2. That was pretty much the end of a normal sex life, He had a horrific childhood, beatings, a suicidal mother (she cut her wrists in front of her children), infidelity on both sides. Absolutely! But dont give up! I am 53 and my wife is 55. And perhaps. s.setAttribute('data-timestamp', +new Date()); Two years and counting, its got me climbing the walls! See the New York Times story, Does a More Equal Marriage Equal Less Sex?. If your wife seems distant, take a step back to analyze where you may have gone wrong or why you feel like she cannot trust you again. Any discussion goes nowhere. What about the emotional security of being held while you sleep? I hear ya Jose! If the husband happens to be insensitive, it ruins the relationship. Are you crazy? Look, I am an RN and living with a man who is 5 years older than me. But dont you have a affair, to deal with that sex drive that Im ignoring. Not only may this put her off being intimate, but you may be setting yourself and your wife up for a stressful encounter. I want to have a joyful life not just be comfortably numb. No human being should dominate another person. This isn't a tit-for-tat sort of thing, though. My son is in an open marriage (I know this because he and his wife talk about it openly) and it opened my eyes to the reality that it is unrealistic to expect one person to be able to satisfy all of your sexual needs. I self reflected and starting cooking again, especially on her late nights. But in practice, no one is equal. Nothing arouses it. No one is talking about men who dont want to have sex. You know what I dont need to know the answer. I told him we could stay married/faithful to each other without any type of sex/sexual contact. My wife of 43 years has no need for sex except very infrequently and then only quick missionary. The man must rule by demanding to get what he wants. I cant have sex do to pain and believe me I truly hat it. We are just roommates. . At that time my job became demanding. I retired early to get Medicare and redusece medical expenses. Sounds like you were already successful and that attracted her to you. John, where do you live, and do you play golf regularly without your wife ? Thats something that you honestly need to ask yourself. But at this point I dont think her interest in sex will ever revive, so what would your advice be? Only your wife herself can tell you the exact reason why she's not interested in having sex with you. Lets separate then.NO! I understand, Im in the same position, although not as long of a time period without sex. Hi Mary Research published by the National Marriage Project found that couples who make time for date night experience benefits, such as, , improved communication skills, and injecting excitement and. I set up a Revenge cheat. Ive tried to convey this, but without success. I am 67 and my wife is 62. It is not fair that I have to take care of it by myself! So sorry to read this Pamela, Im in the same boat with my lovely wife, terribly depressing. My husband has no sex drive at all. Start your own discussion on this topic on Senior Planet Community. She can also talk to her doctor to see what options are available to support her libido. What steps can I take to help my wife get in the mood? Dont men throb? Related Reading: How Do You Deal With A Quarrelsome Wife? Sexuality is just part of the human condition but a life partner who is no longer interested or capable of providing that experience must be respected and understood. Over 12 years no sexual contact. To some it may even taste nasty. Start by losing the weight, shaving the body, washing daily, put some effort into youre own self and for Christs sake, clean up after yourself. Run why stay? I just accept that I could not control it and that it is Gods will for me. I always thought by the time I retired, I would have both the time and energy to truly connect sexually with my spouse without worrying about kids interrupting, getting up early for work or that sex had to be scheduled. My other half dosent get it and keeps going on and on about it. I go through the details of your sexual life. She told me years ago that weve had all the kids were going to have, whats the point?. Couples can even have a thriving sex life during their 40s, if they wish to do so. BIG ZERO, NADA FOR 18 MONTHS NOW! Shame on all you women who have men that are committed and loving to you!! What to about it: Learn how to make a woman have an orgasm and how to make sex better for women. Isnt going to happen. My wife says shes convinced that my strong sex drive saved our marriage that got us through our in-laws, the deaths of 2 of our children, accidents, emergencies, seriou surgeries, any one of which could have destroyed us. I want to turn things around and not give up but its a huge blow to what I thought marriage and my life would be. And when that happens, what used to turn you on about your wife wont turn you on anymore. If there are other underlying problems such as financial constraints or strained relationships with the in-laws, the stress could be killing her libido and be the reason why your wife avoids sex. To me, hes practicing classic avoidance and he simply closes up emotionally. The Bible says to not deny one another because it leads to stumbling. One of you simply wants sex more often than the other does. So not. It will make you horny as hell, however. One of the scariest reasons your wife wont have sex with you may be that she has feelings or is being intimate with someone else. Most woman will get turned off by men putting us down and there is no way we will reward you by having sex with you and if you wait until the next day to be s jerk after having sex with make less likely for you to get I. I went elsewhere a few years back. The man in solitary pleasure can flavour his immediate physical sensation with the remembrance of shared pleasures, whereas the woman in giving but taking no pleasure in sex finds her memories of shared pleasure to be sullied. Cheers Rl. The marriage is fine except for the sex. I miss the sex, but I miss even more holding her in my arms snuggling with her just touching her maybe copping a feel she sexy. Even when a man has had prostate cancer, as my husband has, that does not mean he gets a free pass to close up shop and put his wife on the shelf the rest of her life. Thank goodness we get along well in every other area, however Im at a loss. Id say he has some other issues. EXACTLY!!! Whenever equality or egalitarianism gets discussed in the context of marriage, you can be sure this will involve benefits/advantages, whether natural or societal, that men have that ought to be shared equally with women and not benefits/advantages, whether natural or societal, that women have that ought to be shared equally with men. Even if you have something as small as a minor headache or you cut yourself while cooking, a loving wife will always be ready to pounce and get the first aid kit. It Might pass , 45 is menopausal years and I was once told by a friend older than me at the time that it can be like a light switch once you are through menopause and that can be true because what drives sexual desire , it has much to do with hormones and post menopause or during, a women losses a tremendous amount of hormones and hormone replacement ( they will many x use birth control for that) makes one sick or intolerant and I have read many articles in the past that hormone replacement can put one of high risk of cancer in older women, please I am far from a Dr. not even close, but this is what I have gathered along the way.