Loud conversation on unrelated topics. Once the major decisions have been made, visit, or at least speak with, the person performing the service. It's fine to ask others to share their memories and weave them into your eulogy. This may include feelings of shock, sadness, and even guilt. However, you may send or bring flowers ahead of time. The body of the deceased should be released as quickly as possible to enable the family to prepare for the funeral. Hindu death rituals involve chanting of certain mantras, which are written especially to be chanted at funerals. This is an important death ritual, which usually takes place throughout the mourning period. Your father was a wise man. Financial and logistics assistancewhere acceptable and appropriatecan be a big relief. While visiting, people tend to get drawn into conversations unrelated to the bereavement, at times even catching up on gossip. Gifts of food and red flowers are not acceptable; white flowers are considered the appropriate mourning flower. The Emily Post Institute Inc. is a fifth generation family business that has been promoting etiquette based on consideration, respect and honesty since Emily Post wrote her first book ETIQUETTE in 1922. Silence is golden: Mark Twains classic quote is noteworthy in the context of visiting a bereaved family. In Hindu death rituals, no recording devices are allowed, and the reading source is Mantra. Consider it an honor to help your friend during this painful time. Since you know that his mother likes lilies, you might want to wait a bituntil the activity immediately following your co-worker's death settles downand then send her the lilies. For many people it can be a great comfort to know that friends are thinking of them in such a difficult time. Some traditions will not allow for a wedding to take place during the year. He leads the family and mourners in various Hindu funeral rituals. Who else would she like to have involved as eulogists, readers or ushers? Then go with your intuition. There may be a request to turn the patients bed so their head faces east or for the patient to be allowed to lie on the floor in the moments before death (so that they are close to mother earth and their soul can depart easily). Liberation is characterised as the attainment of the transcendent. You could certainly send her a personal note expressing your condolences. If you decide to let her attend, prepare your daughter by letting her know what the service involves and address any questions she may have. During the thirteen-day period of mourning following the death, the presence of friends and family helps create positive karma to help prepare the soul for its next incarnation. Those who are close to the family may volunteer to do such tasks. There is a tendency to judge whether the person deserved to die the way he or she did. It is appropriate to visit the home of the family as an expression of comfort and support. As author Arvind Sharma writes, Hinduism is not a thing; it is a process. He would more or less characterize Hinduism as a method or temperament. May she rest in peace. However, they can participate in the chanting of mantras taking place thereafter. Moments with the family will usually be driven by the number of people waiting to offer their condolences. Beliefnet is a lifestyle website providing feature editorial content around the topics of inspiration, spirituality, health, wellness, love and family, news and entertainment. Hare Krishna. By merely being there, listening and taking care of the details, you'll undoubtedly be a great help to her during this sad time. 4. The Spirit is not destroyed when the body is destroyed. All Rights Reserved. It is specifically meant for those who are contemplating visiting a recently bereaved family. When a person dies, their atman (spirit or soul) is reincarnated into a different physical body or life form (human, animal, insect or plant). Now you can focus on leaving a legacy instead of a mess. The soul, however, must continue with its journey. Would she like to have a reception for some or all of the attendees of the memorial service? Its important not to confuse peace and speed here, as. Though a useful principle to follow universally, it is most handy while visiting the bereaved. Whilst it is favourable to do this within 24 hours, it is widely accepted amongst the Hindu community that the administrative process will take longer in the UK. If the bereaved person would rather speak to someone they dont know or needs additional support, specialist bereavement support services (see below) are available. Get a signed copy of the NEW Emily Post's Etiquette Centennial edition, and support Vermont's independent bookstores. Traditional stereotypes have shifted in other, more suburban areas of India. Simple condolences are universally acceptable. Honorary pallbearers are chosen from among the deceased's closest friends and/or business associates. And while most of the information provided above mixes trust with credible sources, theres such variety to the Hindu culture and faith systems that what works in one scenario may not work in another. There is often an emphasis on white flowers. It is best to make the enquiries on the day of death, and remain close to the bereaved and assisting them.If this is not possible, one can visit the house on even days except monday, tuesday and friday., even the monday is an even day thanjavur dist. Often there will be some open visitation for an hour or so just prior to the funeral service. Well take you through some examples of condolences or sympathies below and try to iron out whats commonplace or whats appropriate in specific contexts. Need Immediate Service? It is a common slip-up for people to assume that sharing their own religious beliefs would bring solace to the bereaved family. It is proper to visit and be with the family during this time. You and your wife are well poised to take over your family. While it can be difficult to know just what to say to someone who has experienced a death, many people who have experienced a death appreciate being contacted. Such dramatic statements serve no useful purpose to anybody except perhaps the perpetrator. Hindu funeral rituals decree that cremation is the custom, but the deceased body remains in the home of the family until you move it to the cremation place. Otherwise, if they show and express sorrow, guests will offer words to help them accept what has happened to move forward. Your sister was a beautiful person. Incidentally, it is perfectly acceptable not to cry, as each person processes grief differently. Although not a good idea immediately after the passing, subsequent visits with the family can be enlivened by conversation about the good memories we had together with the person. Instagram. For example, chewing loudly with an open mouth and talking with ones mouth full of food are considered bad table manners not because the offender has a problem with it, but because the others would find it repulsive. Good behaviours while visiting the bereaved. Memorial Day for Divorced Parents. Any distractions must be shrugged away until we are out of sight, and away from earshot. This link will open in a new window. New threads and replies may not be made here. Most of the Hindu mourning rituals performed are designed to promote the free expression of emotions. 9. https://www.learnreligions.com/healing-words-for-tragic-times-1770148. If you didn't know him, you could mention something special you've heard about him. Household items like decorative rugs, afghans and blankets make appropriate gifts to honor the memory of the loved one. As absurd as it might seem, in todays fast-paced world, there are instances of people placing wreaths on the wrong coffin, and even consoling strangers after mistaking them for immediate family. Hindus generally prefer cremation over burial and the funeral usually takes place as soon as possible after death. A Hindu death ritual comprises of three parts: So, the actual funeral takes place at the deceaseds home, although actual events can be considered a wake according to western standards because of its short span. Talk to your friend's family. Hare Krishna. Ultimately, Hindus believe that through praxis, accumulation of good karma, and divine grace, moksha (liberation) can be achieved after death. Her startling determination to do exactly the opposite, was amazing.". Unfortunately, we sometimes see inappropriate things being said during such an occasion. This article is written to highlight the dos and the dont-s in most situations. Common blunders while visiting the bereaved: 1. It's up to you. Friends and family visit the bereaved during the period of mourning which in Hindu traditions lasts for around 13 days. However, different Hindu groups may have different funeral rituals. Those who are emotionally close to the bereaved person may quietly ask How are you and give them a chance to express their feelings. While every group has slightly different funeral practices, theres a general set of funeral rites that all follow in this community. We are not attorneys and are not providing you with legal Find the right Emily Post book or greeting card for you. When offering sympathy messages to an Orthodox Hindu for their sibling, youll find that the atmosphere of condolences is much different. Choose from trainer trainings, seminars, live-online workshops, and self-paced online courses, to best meet your etiquette training needs. Some people in India may denounce being Hindu, but their lifestyle may suggest that they still live like a traditional Hindu. Whats regionally accepted in Southern India, for example, may not be appropriate or even standard in the North. On behalf of my family, I want to say how sorry we are for your loss. is in chatting mode, Heading towards stronger foreign exchange reserves, Omar Sharif: Best bridge player in the world, KPP: The Unsung Voyager of Kerala Industry, Social media savvy cops setting example in Bengaluru, Tribunal rejects claim on early conciliation number, Priya Menon is all set to take Sankalp to the next level. Hare Krishna. The bereaved family usually stays home from work for one week following a death. If not familiar with the situation, it is helpful to call a friend who knows the family, to find out beforehand when and where to visit, and what the right thing to do is while visiting. Common blunders while visiting the bereaved: 1. Only one rule should guide you in writing sympathy messages: say what you truly feel. Seeing other friends and family members at the service may prompt conversations and shared stories about the deceased, lengthening the time of the visit. If you wonder what Hindu funeral traditions are like, they can be different from traditional American funerals, but the core fundamentals remain the same. It is often a custom and part of the Hindu death ritual for the family to share a meal together and offer prayers for the departed, themselves and their house. If this cultural shift is your cousins history, it might be appropriate to mention that distinction to honor them both after. Honorary pallbearers do not actually carry the casket at a funeral, and they do not serve at a memorial service because there is no casket present. Don't forget that you can also e-mail your coworker to express your thoughts before you write your condolence note. form. In the Southern state of Tamil Nadu, messaging can go one of two ways when losing a parent. If there is no relationship with the family, introduce yourself and briefly explain your relationship with the deceased. Your are already subscribed for Malayala Manorama News Letter/Alert. May God guide your sons soul to attain the right path. Such people can be heard passing comments like When you look at her, she doesnt come across as someone who just lost her husband. Those people are greatly missed as they create such a hole for those they leave behind. Following are a collection of questions and answers about bereavement to help guide you during difficult times. A Hindu priest will be invited to visit and to purify the house with incense, prayers and mantra. If you are a casual friend or extended friend: Send an email or text immediately and follow up after the. You are using an out of date browser. May God bring speed to your childs soul. This link will open in a new window. After that, the body is moved to the cremation place from the home, where the cremation ceremony takes place. JavaScript is disabled. Bereavement support organisations for all faiths, Useful bereavement resources for health and care professionals, Useful Good Thinking bereavement resources for all faiths. Though the above list is handy, we need to be extraordinarily perceptive and must have the ability to adapt according to the mood and vibe prevailing in each instance. For many people who have experienced a death, it can be helpful to know that their closest friends and family are thinking of them and are available to help. Before the funeral, Catholics hold the Vigil (Wake). The bereaved person could be venting out emotions and if we simply give them our ears, it will be comforting. Unfortunately, blaming the healthcare establishment is a convenient way to vent the inevitable anger and grief. And if you plan on visiting themyoull spend more time in silence rather than offering condolences. You could offer to be helpful to her, perhaps by helping her with her workload the day of the funeral or memorial service. Hindu - A gift of fruit for the family is the appropriate gift. Check with another neighbor or look in your local newspaper for an obituary or death notice. Responding to a Clients Note of Appreciation, Addressing a Former President of the United States, Complete Guide to Writing Thank You Notes, Attire Guide: Dress Codes from Casual to White Tie, Five Tips for Looking Crisp and Keeping Cool in the Workplace, How to Help When Someone is in the Hospital, Definition of Etiquette - Consideration, Respect and Honesty, Wedding Etiquette 101: Everything You Need to Know. Others go the extra mile and debate whether the person might actually make it to heaven or settle for hell. Can you tell me what exactly happened? Your clear expression of sympathy and caring for your coworker is what matters the most. Check out some ways to incorporate this idea when offering condolences for a partner or spouse. Relate stories that show your friend in a positive light, and handle any humor with care. If a family member has persistent trouble sleeping, help must be summoned. It is not slain when the body is slain. Bhagavad Gita 2.20. 12. Sadly, politics trumps principles in Kerala! Just letting her know that you are thinking about her can be helpful. The mourning period is observed at the grieving family's home and will last from 10 to 30 days. As Narayanan explains, "Rituals give us a way of cathartically dealing with our grief. After bereavement, a person goes through denial, anger, bargaining, depressionand finally acceptancethese stages take time. Some Hindu traditions advocate devotional singing and scriptural recital during this time, rather than consider it a time of mourning; instead, realising it as a celebration that the soul has now been liberated and resides eternally in the abode of God. After all, some of the wisest people can almost convey a book in a matter of a sentence. Accept, Whats regionally accepted in Southern India, for example, may not be appropriate or even standard in the North. LinkedIn. We'll help you get your affairs in order and make sure nothing is left out.