How we get there is as important as where we go. Old Tim Morris, 6. Why did the golfer have to change his socks? All through the night they made wild love together. If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart." - Arthur Daley. An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it's always possible to get worse. Instead, here's a great clip of Chi Chi talking about ladies he sees golfing. Boo who? How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife? However, every person playing the game has the basis of good mental skills for golf. Because he thought every day he needed to play around. After several minutes of pondering how to hit the shot, the old man says, You know, when I was your age, Id hit the ball right over that tree. With the challenge before him, the young man swings hard, hits the ball, watches it fly into the branches, rattle around, and land with a thud a foot from where it had started. 8. Answer: Roarin Mcilroy. What did Master Yoda say when Luke sliced the ball onto the next fairway over? A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. Because you coming back to my hotel is the only fair way for this evening to go. 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous People 2023 (laugh-out-loud! Very interesting. Golf is a lot like life. Noah golf pro who can fix your swing? What is the difference between Rory McIlroy and Princess Diana? At the golf corpse! All of them. Because it would interrupt their tea time. ~ Victor Hugo. I just havent played yet. Muhammed Ali, I mean, who else could say something like this? The mark of a great player is in his ability to come back. Mickey Mantle, Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course the space between your ears. Draw a mental image of where you want it to go and then eliminate everything else from your mind, except how you are going to get the ball into that preferred spot. Sam Snead, 46. Brent Musberger, If you break 100, watch your golf. The next minute youre hemorrhaging. And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." Jeff Foxworthy, In order to develop a golf swing, your thoughts must run in the right direction. Youngman is credited with inventing the "Take my wifeplease" trope. ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales, 15+ Easy and Funny Animal Riddles for Kids (with answers) 2023, 79 HILARIOUS Holiday Jokes For A Jolly Mood, 49 Jokes about Teachers and Students (that work like Science: Always get a reaction), 27 Ultimately Happy Quotes to Make your Day A-okay! Dean Martin, He loved the game. No other game combines the wonder of nature with the discipline of sport in such carefully planned ways. Your butt reminds me of St Andrews.. Hard and Firm. They dont have the heart for it. You look like you'd be a great ball-washer. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. "Golf is like a love affair. Whats the difference between a golf ball and a car? The Dalai Lama himself. 7. Unfortunately, it stopped three inches short of the hole dead on line. Why do golfers carry a spare pair of golf shorts? Learn More. A golf ball can be driven 300 yards. Jay Griffiths, Golf without mistakes is like watching haircuts. Say what you want about the other sports, none of them hold a candle to golf when it comes to inspirational and downright funny quotes. I never learned anything from a match that I won. Bobby Jones, 62. Choose Golf puts a mans character on the anvil and his richest qualitiespatience, poise, restraintto the flame. Billy Casper, 16. In case he gets a hole in one. If there has been one fundamental reason for my success, this is it. Gene Sarazen, 22. So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. Golf is more complicated than that. Oh my God, what have I just said?". There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. I have been able to hope for the best, expect the worst, and take what comes along. Pick your favorite one from more than 86 quotes about funny golf with images and use it wherever you like. Jim Bishop, I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. The worst club in my bag is my brain. Chris Perry, 42. Hit the ball. Always make a total effort, even when the odds are against you. Arnold Palmer, 65. Paul Gallico, I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles. Why do golfers hate cake? Dave Hill, My swing is then adjusted / as words take off and fly / And landing safe beyond the trap / to make the devil cry. He's the one getting his balls cleaned. Dirty Golf Sayings. Trust is one of the most important qualities in the game of golf. Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be? There is no such thing as a natural touch. Look at the size of his putter. Like a PGA Tour pro once said to his pro-am partners, youre not good enough to get angry. So dont even try it. "I'll kiss you on the rain so you get twice as wet". Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? Well, I bet that these Knock Knock Golf Jokes can knock you up in the ground laughing! How would you like to do something I won't do for anyone on the PGA tour? If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it. The actor's quote relays an essential truth: Even the most mild-mannered golfer tends to lose his head when he sees or suspects someone else has hit or picked up his golf ball. You want some dirty golfing jokes, we got them for you. had to choose, right ? Man: Please dont go. How about grabbing two of your friends so we can play a foursome? And it matters how we go about attaining them. Two men were playing a round golf, one of the men was just about to make his golf swing when he noticed a large funeral group passing by on a nearby road. I told my coach I got a new set of clubs for my wife. Lorii Myers, Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. Ellis Parker Butler, Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. Youre too out-of-shape to play in the church softball league. This post may contain affiliate links. A large pine tree sits in front of his ball, directly between it and the green. James Murray, Enjoyment of golf, regardless of the level you play at, is primarily based on how closely you play to your level of ability. They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Ray Floyd, 41. It will dazzle and baffle you with highs and lows, successes and frustrations. Amy Alcott, 18. Golf is the easiest game in the world. John shouts back in a nervous voice, Throw me my 8-iron! No defenders, no game clock, no excuses. I am Jimmy, clown at heart. These words carry the feeling for those you care about and those who care about you. Colleen Ferrary Bader, Behold, my child, this touching scene, the golfer on the golfing-green / Pray mark his legs uncanny swing / The golf-walk is a gruesome thing! There are no absolutes in golf. Your second mental problem is concentration. Nay! Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. Ellis Parker Butler, When we watch pro golfers, we expect them to play well, to make the shots we know we cant, and to be entertaining. He also starred with the equally late and great Walter Matthau in one of my favorite movies, Grumpy Old Men. Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers , Now, enough talking, lets swing this thing. The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie. Mickey Mantle, owner of one of the sweetest swings in baseball, not so much in golf. I, with my lovely Wishian team, gather the expressions, sort them out, organize them with suitable background images, and serve them to you. 20. - Mickey Mantle. Knock, knock In the morning, the woman woke up and arose from bed. 1. Tahiti. Grizzly bear droppings have small bells, golf-gloves, sunglasses and other similar golf items in them and they usually smell like pepper spray. Whats the difference between the g-spot and a golf ball? I had a terrible round today, I only hit two good balls, and that was when I stepped on a rake. See more ideas about golf humor, golf, humor. Do you know what the Lama says? Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't All Spiritual Signs & Inspirational Signs, TV Stands, Media Tables, & Media Furniture, The Most Important Things In Life Aren't Things. I give the ball some sweet talk. It means, in so many words, that if you can golf when the wind is blowing youre a man; if not, youre still a boy. -- Lee Trevino "Golf is not a game, it's bondage. Simpson, Most people play a fair game of golf If you watch them. Use these pick up lines to your advantage in starting a chat with your guy or girl. Daphne du Maurier, With many twists and holes life is much like a golf game; without bats, you cannot Play. Like chess, golf is a game that is forever challenging but can never be conquered. Harvey Penick, 10. O'Grady's comment relates the essence of the experience of a lot of rounds of golf for a lot of golfers. When they reach the 9th fairway, the young man is facing a tough shot. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. When a golfer lies, he doesnt have to bring any proof home. If it is the dirty element that gives pleasure to the act of lust, then the . I have always had a drive that pushed me to try for perfection, and golf is a game that perfection stays just out of reach. Betsy Rawls, 12. Damn, girl. John excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: Hey Don, come here. P. G. Wodehouse, The difference between a good golf shot and a bad one is the same as the difference between a beautiful and a plain woman a matter of millimeters. I derive a great deal of pleasure from it, but it is disgusting to watch. That means if you click and purchase, I may receive a small commission. It bends a little to the left. A golfer has to train his swing on the practice tee, then trust it on the course. Dr. Bob Rotella, 49. After some deliberation, he takes out his 3 iron and sails the ball 20 feet over the pin, and backs it up to within 3 feet of the pin. Billy Graham, Show me a man who is a good loser and Ill show you a man who is playing golf with his boss.