The difference between "Ooooooh" and "Aaaaaah" is about three inches. Here's the URL for this Tweet. A chipmunk. What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? Its To Whom. What did 345. Following that logic, this rhetorical joke doesnt have an answer either. If a woman talks dirty to a man, thatll be $6.50 a minute. Example of When did I ask? What's the best-smelling insect? Wait. 2. Because he had a great fall. Here are 45 of his best (and cringe-inducing) jokes from previous shows and appearances, and The Office: Warning: adult humour follows "Where there's a will - there's a relative!" You know youve got a high sperm count when she has to chew before she swallows. It shut all my friends up! Whats the difference between a girlfriend and wife? "Close the door, I'm dressing!". 9. The redhead says it looks like cum. Whats the difference between the G-spot and a golf ball? 12 / 102. Christian Bale. They left a sweet note on my windshield that said "parking fine.". Why didn't the melons get married? As you can see, there are plenty of comebacks for who asked, nobody cares, etc. Best trade I've ever done! 47. Because it's not good to drink and derive. A $100 bill. "Dill me in!". Wheeeee! Your responsibility is to assess the situation and determine the best course of action. You won't stop laughing at these 10 jokes! | Articles | CBC Kids What did one plate say to the other plate? A deodor-ant. As a scarecrow, people say Im outstanding in my field. What did the buffalo say when his kid went to college? They always take things literally. Ten-tickles. Did your parents ask for you? Because it was a little horse. Otherwise, close the page now. Pilgrims. I think its time for us to go our separate ways and start making other people miserable. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right side of the bed wakes up and says, Wow, I had this mad dream I was getting a hand job. The guy on the left side of the bed has also woken up and says that hes had the same dream, too. Spoiled milk. Three words to ruin a mans ego? Whats another name for a vagina? To get to the other side. Should You Be Rude to Comments Like These? They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. I'm thinking of a career where I estimate crowd sizes at different outdoor events. list jokes 'poker-jokes-that-are-sure-to-crack-even-the-toughest-poker 100 Funny Why Jokes And Puns That Are Rib Tickling - Shake Jump! I don't know, and I don't care. For more information, please see our Plus, when you get home and your kids ask what you did today, you can tell them you managed to sprinkle some humor into your workday. Why was the coach yelling at the vending machine? ", What did the swordfish say to the marlin? But John came fifth and won a toaster. She drops her pants and says, My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!, A boy says to a girl, So, sex at my place? Yeah! Okay, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother, and he thinks were making sandwiches, so we have to have a code. Cereal pleasure to meet you! Jokes with one of my friends about the communists in ww2 (Soviets) Ended up with him being somewhat offended or at the very least didn't understand the joke. 10. Re-Morse code. Did you hear the one about the roof? In many cases, these and the previously-suggested formulas are no more than conversational fillers; the direct approach of just asking the question you want to ask often is a better thing to do. What did the rock drummer call his twin daughters? Just be careful: You can send some of these memes as a message to the right person: Whats 6 inches long, 2 inches wide, and drives women wild? These Why Jokes (with Answers!) Will Always Get a Laugh - Distractify How do you throw a space party? That's it for now! It was two tired. Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. So theyd have at least one way to shut a woman up. 9. Clever responses are better suited for when in the company of people you want to impress. Well, I'm not going to spread it. 38 Likes, TikTok video from Grace (@baltes33): "same ppl who still making the who asked n when did i ask jokes#him #he #fyp". What did the left eye say to the right eye? If you know of some funny questions and Cortana replies that are not on the list, please share them in the comments section below. Best priest jokes ever - Unijokes.com - 75 Priest jokes An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. A bear walks into a restaurant. Answer (1 of 77): @Danny Margulies "Did I ask you?" * No, but maybe you SHOULD have. Short Jokes That Are Genuinely Funny: 1. You can also sign up for our newsletter so you don't miss out on what's next! []BMany people think of bully as one child pushing or hitting another, but bullying is not only physical. Last Updated: December 5th 2022. Is everyone else here a jerk? Because they're always stuffed. Keep up with Mlanie on Instagram, Twitter and melanieberliet.com. Why do we like volcanoes? Explanation: Dreipronounced dryis German for three. Neinpronounced nineis German for No. Dieser witz stinkt is German for This joke stinks.. Did you hear about the new restaurant called Karma? Explanation: Youve probably heard the saying If Ive told you once, Ive told you a thousand times. Well, consider this the math joke versionyou know, because math equations use letters in place of unsolved numbers. Do you want to hear a construction joke? The Satisfactory. } ); Why was the guitar teacher arrested? I hate it when I go to hug someone really sexy and my face smashes right into the mirror. She says, "Oh, it's like a dick but smaller." 36) The stork is the . Because he was always spotted. Your parents didnt ask for you, but here we are. Question and Answer Jokes What was the reason for the confused looking woman staring at the can of frozen Apple juice for twenty minutes? Where do young trees go to learn? This response is funny because it allows you to really make the question asker seem stupid and you much smarter than them. What do we want? Good Comebacks for Who Asked or Did I Ask? Sometimes did I ask you is said in a joking manner and a funny response would be appropriate after that. Someone complimented my parking today! These office jokes are so funny, they'll make your day better or at least they'll take you away from what you're working on for a few minutes. The other girlfriend grabs a paper towel and goes to hand it to her friend, but she trips and elbows her bestie right in the boob. Because they are so lavable. Knock knock. They went up by a, Two cows are grazing in a field. Whether you want to receive further information on something or want to ask a question or maybe have a suggestion for us to improve content on this website, or probably you wish to report a . 3. How do you get a nun pregnant? "That . 7. Click here to learn more! Tap To Copy. This is another funny response that will leave them dumbfounded. Her navel. 25 Clever Jokes That'll Make You Sound Smart | Reader's Digest 1. What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum? Whats the best part about gardening? 200 Best Reader's Digest Jokes of All Time We recommend our users to update the browser. Dont worryweve explained each one, so you can still wow em with your humor and smarts. Well. A golfer goes. Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? Explanation: Marxists oppose class structures. Its a win-win! The best response to who asked is to stay calm and do your best not to overreact. Phillipe Phillope. What do you call a guy with a small dick? Explanation: A hyperbole is an exaggerated claimkinda like this joke. King Henry the Second. Martin has been featured as an expert in communication and teaching on Forbes and Shopify. If sex is a pain in the ass, then youre doing it wrong . Hot, because you can catch cold. A meltdown. What do you call a fish with no eyes? I used to hate facial hairbut then it grew on me. All while making the question asker look dumb. A 6.9 is a good thing screwed up by a period. ae0fcc31ae342fd3a1346ebb1f342fcb. You can try being the life of the party with one of these: Be careful joking with women. The actor is still close with some of her onscreen family. What do you call the useless piece of skin on a willy? Explanation: No joke has a double meaning here. What did the daddy ghost say to the baby ghost? "Between you and me, something smells.". What did the penis say to the vagina? Nasty knock-knock jokes: We give some joke weapons to outdo your buddies: Children interpret everything they hear their way. Find out here! Why did the student eat his homework? The farmer had cold hands. What do you call a lazy kangaroo? Then, use one of the witty comebacks listed above to silence them! How did the hipster burn his mouth? Youre bootiful, fancy going for a walk?! Whats the difference between attraction, love and showing off? Pathetic, unoriginal kid just wanting attention. Who Asked / Nobody Asked | Know Your Meme Now get ready to make some memories filled with laughter with these 70 hilariously funny jokes! One was a-salted. If you're here, who's running hell? Ouch! Why did the math textbook visit the guidance counselor? Whats the difference between your wife and your job? I know because they told me. It all depends on you and the situation. 1. These funny jokes will help you turn your frown upside-down. A cat has claws at the end of paws; A comma is a pause at the end of a clause. Others might even make you laugh so hard you cry, so don't say we didn't warn you. Some are dead. So the next time someone tells you, nobody asked, just let them have it with one of these witty comebacks. * No, you didn't. What's your point? What do you call a boomerang that wont come back? What do you call friends you listen to music with? A little horse. Explanation: Kleptomaniacs (people with the impulse to steal) take things literally because they literally take things. I failed math so many times at school, I can't even . Ones pretty heavy and the others a little lighter. Explanation: Youd have to be insane to jump off a bridge and into the Seine, the river that runs through Paris. Why didn't the skeleton get a prom date? Copy it to easily share with friends. short for? Theyre used to eating nuts. You mustve misheard me. 319 Clean Jokes For Kids (Plus Random Joke Button!) Sucka who? Never mind, its too long., Two goldfish are in a tank. 50 Funny Valentine's Day Jokes for Kids and Adults - Parade The bear shrugged. This response works best if the question was asked rudely. Don't care + didn't ask + L + Ratio + soyjak + beta + cringe + stfu + cope + seethe + ok boomer + incel + virgin + Karen + + you are not just a clown, you are the entire circus + + nah this ain't it + do better + check your privilege + pronouns in bio + anime pfp + . That really hurt!" the first friend exclaims. Nobody asked you, either, but it seems that we all have to listen. 100 Best Corny Jokes of All Time. They were both originally made for kids, but daddies end up playing with them. But these clever jokes offer something special: In addition to making others laugh, they make you sound smart. No harm in telling the truth, you werent asked and this response is extra clever because it doesnt give the question asker the reaction from you that they were looking for. How does a squid go into battle? Theres no menu: You get what you deserve. "Make me one with everything." 2. Not all men are annoying. But, deep down, if we are honest, who doesn't smile at corny jokes? The attorney tells the accused, "I have some good news and some bad news.". Strong people dont put others down. xhr.setRequestHeader('Content-Type', 'text/plain;charset=UTF-8'); Submit your best joke here and get $25 if Readers Digest runs it. Whats red and moves up and down? When did I ask jokes : r/Comebacks - reddit.com Kid 1: Hey, I bet youre still a virgin., When I die, I hope I have enough time to point at a complete stranger and whisper You did this.. I dont think so. They did unspeakable things to me. These classic What did? If a woman sleeps with 10 men shes a slut, but if a man does it Hes gay, definitely gay. 50 Dirty Comebacks and Insults to Win Every Argument, 25+ Baddie Comebacks Thatll Slay Any Situation, 32+ Sassy Comebacks Guaranteed to Silence Your Haters. So why wouldn't we embrace any chance we have to giggle at a joke? Knock knock. Continue with Recommended Cookies, It has happened to all of us. Explanation: A Buddhist whos one with everything is connected to the universe. Read up on more bar jokes that are hilariously funny. Later they get together. I don't know how I feel about that. Just because you didnt ask doesnt mean you didnt need to be told. "Why the big pause?" asks the bartender. I had to put my foot down. I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Call and tell her about it. One shouts to the other, "I need you to help me get to the other side!" The other guy replies, "You're on the other side!" My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. 0 views, 0 likes, 0 loves, 0 comments, 0 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from BriannaPlayz: Escaping 100 Layers of ICE vs Crayons! A clever response shows that you are quick on your feet can be really smart. The funny responses are more for getting a good laugh out of the group around you than trying to come out on top and seeming smart. Viper07__ 3 yr. ago. Neeeooooooow! If someone ever asks you who asked you, have one of these good comebacks for who asked ready to roll. Hi! The other guy replies, "You're, What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? You guys didn't like it. What do you call an expert fisherman? How do you make a tissue dance? "No, I'm not, but don't take my word for it, ask your dad.". The salesman asks him, "Do you want an aquarium?" Where does Batman go to the bathroom? A hooker can wash her crack and resell it. If a moldy dIck had a face, it would have yours . Exaggerations have become an epidemic. A liar. A penguin in the washing machine. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, Heres something I have that youll never have! Its the people I tell them to who cant. My gay friend got fired from the sperm bank because they caught him drinking on the job. Dont worry, said the doc. What's black and white and goes round and round? 3. Are you an adult? Knock Knock Whos there? I was at the funeral of a friend of mine. When I was in junior high, the girls in my class would laugh at me or ask questions designed to embarrass me. 38. It needed help figuring out its problems. I wonder how many people are in that field. What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind? Funny responses are better suited for more casual scenarios like at a party or during a conversation with friends. Elementree school. Well-armed. Unexpected sex is a great way to be woken up If youre not in prison. said the man in the orthopedic shoes. What did one light bulb say to the other light bulb on Valentines Day? Question and Answer Jokes - Jokes - Jilljuck I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger, then it hit me. Read on for 39 riddle jokes that'll entertain the whole family. Did you know you can actually listen to the blood in your veins? Those of you who think you know it all are really annoying to those of us who do. I don't think you should be happy. You don't have to be rude or disrespectful when someone asks this question. 12. Where does Batman go to the bathroom? OK, now you say, Control Freak who?. They saw an abandoned log cabin and went inside. Whether youre looking to shut down someone in an argument or want some witty responses up your sleeve, these comebacks will do the trick. What do you get when you cross the Atlantic Ocean with the Titanic? 13. It loafs. You can always serve as a bad example. Did you fall from heaven? Because they're very good at it. This response is funny because it means nothing but will likely leave the question asker dumbfounded and therefore making them look dumb to everyone else. He ate the pizza before it was cool. Ask Google Assistant to go to a site in the Chrome app. Did you hear about the depressed plumber? Why are YOU shaking? What do you call a virgin lying on a waterbed? I decided to compile a list of comebacks for who asked, did I ask, and nobody asked or cares because its getting ridiculous out there. "The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it.". Whats the best part about sex with 28-year-olds? One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter. .css-g0owdm{display:block;font-family:Memphis,Georgia,Times,Serif;font-weight:normal;margin-bottom:0.625rem;margin-top:0;-webkit-text-decoration:none;text-decoration:none;}@media (any-hover: hover){.css-g0owdm:hover{color:link-hover;}}@media(max-width: 40.625rem){.css-g0owdm{font-size:1.25rem;line-height:1.2;}}@media(min-width: 40.625rem){.css-g0owdm{font-size:1.125rem;line-height:1.2;}}@media(min-width: 61.25rem){.css-g0owdm{font-size:1.25rem;line-height:1.2;}}Tom Selleck Reunites with Former Co-Star, 21 Shows to Watch If You Like Yellowstone, 'WoF' Fans Say This Is the Biggest Choke on Show, St. Patricks Day Trivia Questions and Answers, Adam Sandler's Wife Jackie Shuts Down Red Carpet, The Reason Hoda Kotb Hasnt Been on the Today Show, Kelsea Ballerini Fans Lose It Amid Career News, The True History Behind St. Patrick's Day, St. Patrick's Day Movies to Feel Extra Lucky. I have as much authority as the Pope. Robin. What's E.T. Do you love telling jokes? Many are one-liners so you can remember them to share and share again, and your kids can retell them to their friends too, maybe even years later. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Andy Simmons is a features editor at Reader's Digest. One shouts to the other, "I need you to help me get to the other side!" Jokes for Kids: 130+ of the Best Kid Jokes on the Web - EverythingMom By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Q: What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? That's why we've rounded up that set of (clean) jokes for adults and kids alike that will have the whole family laughing. Two girlfriends are hanging out when one spills coffee on her shirt. Some mornings I wake up grumpy, on others I let her sleep in. A friend of mine went bald years ago but still carries around an old comb. The German replies, "Nein, just one.". What do you call a teenage girl who doesnt masturbate? Youre dead if the rubber breaks. I was masturbating today and my hand fell asleep thats got to be the ultimate rejection. I like waiters, they bring a lot to the table. A response that will make you feel like you won the confrontation. Knock Knock! Such as bosses, future bosses, hopeful romantic partners, future in-laws, or random people on the street. We all wish that at the moment you could have some great response. If we dont get some support, people will think were nuts. Oh, I didnt tell you? He worked it out with a pencil. No, you didnt, but we all make mistakes. You can drop them off anywhere. The doctor replies, Sorry, I dont follow you . They just pick things up as they go along. Person . Once you open it, you realize its half-empty. What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? That way, when you criticize them, you'll be a mile away, and you'll have their shoes. 29. How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant? 1. Why having fun with a prostitute is like a bungee jumping? What did one ocean say to the other ocean? What did the big flower say to the little flower? Where does the general keep his armies? * No, but this is more stupid than anything I might have said. (Walk. 21. What's the best smelling insect? One asks, "What's your favorite kind of music?" But when played all at once, they form a C-minor chord. They're his watch dogs. What do you call a fake noodle? I would kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. How did the pig get to the hogspital? But grammatically speaking, whom is the object of the verb to., If Ive told you n times, Ive told you n+1 times. A happy uncle. The dont meet the koalafications. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup. Get ready to laugh, hard. "What's the good news?". Want more laughs? What did one pencil say to the other pencil? Dont miss these hilarious egg puns that will absolutely crack you up. Explanation: A rhetorical question is one thats asked in order to make a point but doesnt require an answer. Between you and me, something smells. Share All day thought-provoking questions Funny coffee jokes, check out the funniest Reader s! He loses. He was in a jam. Get Ready to LOL With These 70 Hilarious Jokes, Your Privacy Choices: Opt Out of Sale/Targeted Ads. A cancer-causing ingredient sparked the alarm, according to the Food and Drug Administration (FDA). We've been graced with our fair share of "dad" jokes, so-bad-they're-good puns, knock-knock jokes, and even some moments of pure stand-up comedy. Bernadette. This joke makes light of changing churches. I hope Death is a woman. A funny response can be to pretend to not understand the question. 3. When he did, I asked why he was ignoring me. Share the best GIFs now >>> If you need so much space, theres always NASA. You said youd be home by 11:45!, Actually, the mathematician replies coolly, I said Id be home by a quarter of 12., Explanation: Divide 12 by four, or a quarter. A horse walks into a bar. Wait, don't actually look if you want functioning eyes. Totally shocked. My mate says I'm getting fat, but in my defense I've had a lot on my plate recently. Whos there? A Master Baiter. Between you and me, something smells. How much space will free up in the EU after Brexit? "I stand corrected!" Dress her up as an altar boy. Earbuds. Whats a foot long and slippery? 5. 46. When did I ask: what is it? What does it mean? - Definder You could read it as seriously or as a joke didnt walk into the bar. If this made you roll your eyes, just wait until you read some of these dad jokes. A slipper. A dick in your mouth! Tyrannosaurus Wrecks. The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying. Robin you, now hand over the cash. Oh look! Hold onto your nuts, this aint no ordinary blowjob. Catch up! 150 Funny Adult Jokes - Hilarious Humor for Adults in 2023 Usually, when someone asks did I ask you? they are not being genuine. A lip reader. It usually confuses people first time hearing it but that's the point. They have many fans. You might enjoy: 50 Dirty Comebacks and Insults to Win Every Argument. What did the dog say when it sat on some sharp stones? 69 with three people watching. By using one of the comebacks from our list, you can shut down the person who asked without causing a scene. That way it will never come for me. A cherry float. What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards? "Catch up!". What did one cranberry say to another at Christmas? When Did I Ask Funny Joke Humor Sarcastic Humorous Sticker By plydia From $2.02 Seven Days without a pun makes one weak white T-Shirt Sticker By Newline store From $3.36 Forget About Princess I Want To Be A Zebra Sticker What did one tennis ball say to the other tennis ball? What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? What did the mother rope say to her child? Her face was flush with love. Hes been going through some shit. He wanted to get a long little doggie. For more information, please see our She wanted it in case she had to draw blood. He's all right now. Someone stole my mood ring yesterday. What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills? A pouch potato. Why can't you explain puns to kleptomaniacs? Check the 2nd part of "Funny, Stupid & Hilarious Jokes" . Now that youve learned 101 new short jokes to share with your friends, check out these classic Laffy Taffy jokes that will sweeten everyones day. But we both know that's not why you're here So, another option is to fire back with your own insult. Control Freak. "You're looking sharp. For fingering a minor. But that's not all. Dont forget to browse these biology jokes that really cell themselves. Whats the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? Beano Jokes Team. Elementree school. just ask them why they are so insecure about things. When Did I Ask Funny Joke Humor Sarcastic Humorous Stickers - Redbubble 18. See ya! 27 Best Replies To "Did I Ask You?" (Funny & Clever) Then, use one of the above witty comebacks to shut them down! Ivana who? Why couldn't the bicycle stand on its own? The Best Corny Dad Jokes | Pun.me Why do people make end-of-the-world jokes like theres no tomorrow? There's no menuyou get what you deserve. Beano Jokes Team. Who Asked, Nobody Asked, and That's Crazy, But I Don't Remember Asking are expressions used to indicate a lack of interest in what another person has said or posted, similar to Cool Story, Bro. Why were they called the Dark Ages? What do you get when you mix a cocker spaniel, a poodle, and a ghost? It needed help figuring out its problems. The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel. What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind? Why do oranges wear sunscreen? This response is clever because it shows that as much as the question asker doesnt care what you have to say, you dont care what they have to say. Clever responses are better suited for when in the company of people you want to impress. What did the snail who was riding on the turtle's back say? What is a good response when a classmate says 'Did I ask you - Quora What did the tree say to the tree surgeon? If a man talks dirty to a woman, thats sexual harassment. What do a penis and a Rubiks Cubes have in common? How do you open a banana? 134 Likes, 20 Comments - Wellness Habits + Accountability partner (@cassiehuntwellness) on Instagram: "There's kind of a running joke in my family. Whoever stole my antidepressants I hope you are happy now. Please tell me this train of thought youre on has a caboose. The fact that there are only two errors. He pasta-way. Because every play has a cast. They have many fans. Hmmm, I guess you can see how much I care over there (then point to an empty hallway or somethinh similar) then grin. Be sure to check back with us soon for more funny jokes. Family Matters actor Marie Jo Payton details an on-set disagreement with Jaleel White. 14. Of course, you need to screw a light bulb. Martin holds a Masters degree in Finance and International Business. Check out these funny one-liners that will give you the biggest laughs from the fewest words. 50 Brilliant Sarcastic Jokes That Will Crack You Up - Thought Catalog A guy will search for a golf ball.